Game in the Brain

My memory is really bad these days. I feel like i’ve done everything before but can’t remember how. 
Need to log everything. 


Simply listening triggers my Note taking hand to Summarize and Next Action when People talk to me. 


Its not a bad thing – but so this is how it feels like when I’m programmed to be like this. Every useful compulsion or trained habit becomes mindless and cathartic or triggers fears if not satisfied, old coping mechanisms that were not value adding were replaced and now pieces of me are gone because of cost benefit analysis.

Every useful habit is there to banish demons of poverty, self doubt, and identity. The ritual is like a mantra that is tries to overcome the fear that would try to seize control of most of my attention or a significant portion. Its practical Utility is evidence that does not delusion or denial to uphold BUT…


So I don’t put this in RANTS I’ll just say there is some Serious Professional Misconduct that attacks my Sanity. 


I realize As Studying Increases Neural Connectivity – our ability to Create more Complex Patterns and Nuance, those Patterns require Resources to Support like Volatile Memory, and Resources are Finite.  Details and Exceptions are BITS of data that become part of that pattern and that pattern is a string that gets longer and longer and requires more and more energy. 


The ability to Maintain A large amount of Nuance is very difficult and requires restructuring Health and Energy Levels and not just the Skills (the Brain). 

You may notice that I’ve Cleared my RANTS section. Self Censoring is that painful necessity that I need to make.