Game in the Brain

Open source sometimes feels like atheism – its mere existence is anathema – a violation of norms. Remembering how MS called it a Virus and has to be destroyed. Remembering a lot of the Muslim videos destroying any religious object of other religions in a store or found unearth during road work. Then there is the call to destroy all apostates. 

When so many people ride on the existing model – licenses and get as much as possible out of the investment – rent-seeking. Vs open source where you pay for the service IF you want or need it otherwise DIY. If you have time vs money. 

The virtuous cycle of sharing in Open Source violates the Maximized Rent-Seeking of licenses. 

I’m in an ocean of many turbulent arguments against it, so much riding on me and my team to fail. It can be nerve-wracking. I feel the weakening of muscles and the shaking of my hands, the urge to strike at… nothing all at the same time. 

An enemy that cannot be beaten physically, but to master emotions to be able to focus and maintain my faculties. 

Games have always been hard-wired into me to the point of exercising the thinking I use for comfort in the chaos. I play the way I play because my real-world demands I think in a certain way under pressure and I cannot take the pressure. 

The experience of failure and surviving it is what allows me to take the damage and keep going. Its sad that its the experience of falling farther and farther down is what allows me to reach the end. 

Success is luck, a break, a reprieve. A statistical inevitability given how many tries. The acceptance of sadness is the heightening of the pleasure of every love and care experienced as we accept it will be gone. the Blues outline the bright yellows. 

My heart rate is high. my resting is 51-55 these days and this event has raised it to 65 and maintaining. 

Work is work, we are asked to spend 10-16 hours on something – we want to OWN that work by working in our way. The work is to be human it has to be Flawed and Unique to us, and has an emotional attachment to us. We sacrificed for this work so that we can achieve our own goals.