Game in the Brain

turning 47 this year.
its strange how much I’m still me.
yet – when my uncle died and I realized my key mentors were all gone (retired and dead) – I’m going to be the senior people people will consider their mentor.
Our team is mostly Our OJTs who became regularized. We trained them and I still remember telling them how Great Open Source was and still is – and I’m sure they were skeptical of my claims – and of course it became obvious when we tried to implement projects and set things up.

The culture I wan to develop – is the kind to talk about the Problem Openly. “I dont know how to say this politely – I only need to look at last years sales and see that Gov’t Projets were almost 0 and doing any Gov’t bids is a FUCKING WASTE of time. I dont need that fucking bit of evidence – I dont need 10 years of LOST SALES – I only need to see the Look of the Technicals faces when they make 10 proposals and NONE get accepted and they QUIT – and we just made a CORRUPT bid “Qualify” a Cooked BID by participating and meeting the Minimum amount of BIDDERS.
I just need to Look at my staff and see the look of people who were disappointed when Thrown at Impossible Odds without Tools and A way to win.

I LOVE telling students – DONT BE AN IDIOT like what we are doing. I love telling them DONT MAKE THESE MISTAKES. i love telling them they obviously matter and a Mentor and LEADER will equip you to Succeed and Show them how everyone else works. Show them how the IT overcame the odds.

I love just using common sense- of Never second guessing the person with DIRECT information, That If I Wanted to convince people that Facts and Logic – Disprove a Hypothesis and Create Testable Paradigms and show Students its Simple – and give them the Opportunity to Develop the skills to Create these things. Show them the FARCE – the lies and show them how HOW i can tell its a LIE and how I can prove its a lie.

I love showing them whats behind the Magic Trick – BECAUSE i was that naive person who was tricked and scammed. I love showing the the LIES many businesse use and show them how to make an HONEST LIVING. How to ARGUE cost + Margin and walk away from anyone who doesnt want you to pay you Fairly (the Margin). How to disagree in a transaction, but more importantly what is Integrity.

I scream inside and out loud at the Stupidity We have to fight. Why cant I disprove a person and I come out as a bad guy? Why cant we just talk about HARD FACTS – if we never made our targets for 10 years and every year everyone resigns then we must be doing something wrong. We must CHANGE, we most do things differently.

Its not me being RIGHT its just being LESS WRONG.

I see the staff enthusiastically take on things they’ve never done before. We’ve never done TrueNAS before – we will learn it over the couple of weeks. We have +10 old HDDs to experiment and BREAK to learn how to reconstruct data and RAID. They will do a gap analysis if there is a problem, they will escalate or ask the person beside them how to do something, they will learn FreeCAD, 3D printing, Electronics, System Admin, AI use, Networking etc… even if its not their SILO. They see our former OJTs able to grasp Accounting and Development. They develop key techniques in Data Cleaning, BA Finance to SQL and JS.

I hope they will be fearless. I hope they can parse the Farce they have to pretend to care about against the real things that matter. To cover for each other because – thats the only way to have work life balance, that the RIGHT amount of work is the amount of work where you can breathe and ask yourself every day “Is this worth doing”. Everyday I hope the team can reflect – “Is this a good place to work at” and think about the values we have. “Is this a task worth doing” – because I told them – if we can make it easy and automate it – We will.

A Business – my Dream a Cooperative (Like those Of Spain’s Mondragon and Italy’s Cooperatives and in Germany) – is a CULTURE that allows a Cooperative to exceed any corporation and can create Incredibly talented and cooperative people with not just the Intelligence but the EQ to work with the Human side – set boundaries, and work to improve it.

Of course these setbacks – the Sabotage of my Authority. I know what to do – I have the Social Engineering and Political skills to maneuver. But MOST importantly – I CAN SHOW MY TEAM the politics and the STUPIDITY. Why is this the way we do things?

I know how to fix it, and I will document it and Teach my staff – and cultivate the EQ that have all my tools – that I can leave this world with people able to rebuild or exceed what ever we build.

In the most Fantastic Outcome – https://sites.comfac.net and our other projects all succeed. Containerized Solar and Batteries prefabricated and Deployed where is needed. Our BIo-tech being used, FreeCAD being used for all the applications the Philippines so desperately needs. A team with the EQ to handle their Internal inevitable Conflict – knowing whats more important and able to trust and overcome setbacks and try again. A team that allows me and them to spend more time with family – and I can do more Social Work – bringing all that TECHNOLOGY where its needed.

I hope to do social work and travel to know more about the problems, and to make WIn-Wins – diverting forces through EQ and problem solving create Virtuous Cycles. I wish it succeeds – but I’m prepared to that, my ideas are wrong and needs retooling and I wasnt smart and with enough foresight to anticipate it enough. I mean given where I started and how I used what was given to me – and how much I tried to reciprocate – many people tell me I’ve done more than my share.

I’m happy just knowing my family and my team are doing well. I’m fine with losing – started with scratch – its not so bad.

Failing aint so bad also. I’ve prepared for that as well. Everything I know is well documented and anything can be used to help them rebuild. I love showing how much Is actually just IMPROVISATION – there is no “Personality” here is no secret savior – and you dont need so much confidence – you just need ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance of the unknown and the work or pain when we fail.

The recent success is unsettling, I dont know what to do with success – except for my IDEAL and post mortem of success. There are so many blog poss of me wishing I succeed. But I now its a wish – so when it does happen – I feel weird. I know how much luck plays into it – that my trying again – of an optimal strategy is just timing.

Tomorrow another setback, and me putting pieces down for a problem a month from now.