Sadness – holding reality and potential's contradiction

im really dreading the Data Protection Officer certification. I’m dreading all the time and work it will take from my plans. My plans were to invest the time in really ramping up our technology of our family biz. 
I wanted to use the free time to set up the PFsense router in the house, figure out a PFsense Virtual Box exercise for students and staff. 
But I see the opportunity and the costs. I really hate how the information is so limited about the DPA. there are so many questions I have that is not covered in the FAQ – like what is the criteria of negligence, because a company doesnt have INFINIT budge to secure personal information, then there is a the PUBLIC personal information that the law doesnt exactly protect. 
I’m dreading the +20 workdays it took me to make my Anki Chinese deck and it will take me +20 workdays to make my DPA deck. I plan to open source it and make a Github/lab for it and connect it to ERPNext. 
I feel sad missing my timeline – as I’ve envisioned migration by June for the accounting for the very least. Assuming we transferred the Payables and Recievables. I want to work on my Open Source projects. 
I want by 2023 my team is semi independent of me earning 20% more due to the success and having 20% more heads. That means by 2023 the warehouse’s nonmoving stock has been reduced from 30-50M to <1M.  That non-moving stock. On a Rolling Wave we know the total cost of WIP and Finished Good. That the CRM is working and we can augment sales temporarily periodically. That we are using Indian and freelance Technicians for Estimates and Designs. That we’ve migrated to FreeCad and have begun spending serious money contributing to FreeCad for improved user intereface and in the github. 
Why are a LAWS closed source? Why are they not as Open Source and Hyperlinked and Gestalted? Why is there so much missing context to laws? 
I want that by 2024 an online store for furniture and services would be set up and the tools for any biz to do the same is in our youtube. 
That we produce custom furniture in less than 2 weeks and we know how to sell what the customer Needs instead of assuming the customer knows what they want (raising red flags when the customer asks for something they will be unhappy about in the future).  
I hope that if we grow 20% of the workforce capacity are for students and schools to participate as we share our skills. Requiring our leaders to be able to teach and teach as they do. (If we grow to 2x in 5 years because we can now accomodate a larger small biz). 
Of course i dream this knowing that it may not happen. That if i imagine a sprectrum of possibilities there are many where things just dont go right and predicitably things are just bad. so many things can happen to derail it. That misinformation and taking forgranted good for an impossible perfect. That people hero worship neglecting the people around them and the good they can do within their grasp. That luck will always beat skill – and the world is unforgiving. 
Its still strange when I think of the Risk Taking phenotype – the evolution of a gene and mindset that mutates randomly – creating all sorts of terrible things on the rare chance that it would be the next survival advantage. That as a species a percent of us is created to self destruct as a continous experiment to find something better. That the sociopath, the monster, the dreams, the broken, the genetic outlier is a product of the system allowing for random mutations because of the 7+ mass extinctions that happened through out the earths life. (That to be normal or mainline is to have the optimium survival traits as an individual – but to be a Weirdo is to experiement of a species). 

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