Game in the Brain

 The curious or the self-aware of their mental limits enough to act on them – the people who take notes asking questions and listen carefully – they are the ones that can be project managers. 

meaning that I can delegate them the complicated task of talking to indian vendors, demanding end-users, and being thorough in executing a Plan as well as wanting to come into a situation with a plan. 

The people who don’t document – who don’t check what they know or don’t know – I don’t know how they do it. I cant do that. I cannot hold in my mind all that. 

I have SOO MUCH documentation I don’t remember I wrote. Every time a boss orders something or problem arises I kinda write like this – telling a story, a thesis, a narrative of What I know and All the things I don’t know. All the things that lead to “uncertainty”. 

And at my old age – yeah there are huge volumes of my life where I don’t remember – the are memories as muddy as dreams – and my notes are imperfect – hastily written – and having more questions than answers. 

How can anyone go through life not aware of the huge amounts of knowledge forgotten everyday? Knowing that – triggering the habits that connect emotion to a circumstance – the anxiety and caution that requires writing to put it at ease? To see before our eyes what is in the back of our head. 

Its like riding a bike without a helmet, playing airsoft without safety gear, diving for cover without knee and elbow pads, making fast turns in blind corners, running on broken ground, there is this reflexive fear and reaction of a lot of blood, pain, the months long healing process. Or being a witness to that pain. 

there are those whose safety gear is a Notebook, Talking about a problem, googling everything to know, reading the room/crowd, etc… 

and having an understanding of statistics – there are those Lucky people who never need these safety gear. Yet understanding statistics is that – I’m not lucky, I’m not a statistical outlier, I’m not special. And I should never compare myself to those statistical outliers. 

They can run the risks – but not me. Not with what a mistake can cost me.