Game in the Brain

I’m very much aware of the luck my parents are in, with their business. I have my own beliefs and being who I am, and from where I come from, I know in the cut-throat world, I would never thrive. I owe so much to the subsidy of my parents. I do believe that my luck can run out, and without their support, I would be making half my Income. Instead of a Director level of a large company, I would probably be a manager obeying the desires of Moloch. 

I see our managers and the contradicting, pointless, and inefficient things they have to handle. I understand that a director is there out of great sacrifice or political advantage (me being the son of the owner). So even if I use the subsidy to get Red Hat certified, HSK2, PMBOK, MBA etc… I got all this from the advantage of luck. 

Also, I will probably never argue the merit of an action or project. It will all be Inertia, Politics, and pandering. I can employ what limited volition I have to make the objective NET better for people, less suffering, but at the end of the day – I live in a world I believe is unfair and profit from it. 

 Self-care is forgiving and see the subtleties of compromises. In the modern era, I and many others were able to be born thanks to the technology. My kids are here because of the technology that was unavailable to my grandparents – preeclampsia would have meant I would be a widower in the time of my grandparents. 

I do believe I should strive for an Ascetic, few materials, for my life g sand that of my family. Tools and technology would be luxuries that further my understanding of my profession and is there to keep me aware. TRPGs are my only luxury beyond that of my family and studies. I have to move towards fewer fancy things, just practical items, and a sustainable lifestyle.  Of course, the definition of Fancy and Necessity would change for more quickly than my ability to document the changes.

No one will subsidize someone who has only six productive hours a day. So I make decisions based on If I was not lucky with my parents and wealth. And sadly, the math is that I didn’t make life decisions that would have allowed me to work outside of my duties to Moloch. 

The “Socialist” revolution like workers rights, benefits, living wages, 4 hour working days, and more leaves and vacations are pretty much an Optimization of the skills and decision making of the workforce. If you compare Filipino workers who most likely didn’t finish school (average schooling years is still 7 out of the 12) to that of the benchmarks, Cy Swan discusses it would be abysmal. Of course, take that person and train him, not that “training” where a foreman handles him with 15 to 20 others, but 1 to 2 to one senior trainer and give him the skills they demonstrate in essential craftsman and a year can make him alien to where he began. What I mean is that these policies hope to make organizations invest more in people, but dark gods can twist these wishes into undesired effects. 

I can appreciate what I accomplished so far. Having a Project Management and IT background, with World Builders skillset (economics demographics, and cultural understanding) is not insignificant. Its there is no certainty that I can help people, and the market values it. The Market is Moloch – an uncaring mindless alien god whose motivations we believe we understand but surprises us by how it lures us in thinking we know only to entrap us. 

I’m sad about it, but Its not the end of the world. Its just the reality of the world. I don’t mind knowing the future is not so bright, enjoying what health and happiness I have is a lot to be grateful. I’m aware of the demographic advantages I have and do take them. When something is going to end, it’s sad, but it doesn’t mean I should stop being happy about what comes my way. A conditioned response to laugh, to smile, to make a joke, and to write about it all is just how some people cope. 

I hope in the Irrationality of the Market – there is an Irrational reason that I’m still around and able to care for my family. That in the machinations of Moloch, I exist to be a part of some grand joke. I’m grateful to exist even if it was just as Moloch’s pawn.